The Past

Lately I’ve been wrestling with some pretty big decisions. It hasn’t been easy and either way I go there’s going to be things that I’m not going to like. It seems like at these times when you ask for help, the past seems to creep in to your every day life. There’s a smell, that will remind you of something from your past. Or a song will come on the radio making you think about a different time. Memories will begin to immerse you in the lake of experiences that you have already been through. I’m not sure how to explain it. Scientist would probably say that it’s your brain’s way of coping with whatever issues that you’re dealing with. Your subconscious mind telling you exactly what you should do, it’s just up to your conscious mind to figure it out. I understand why scientist would probably think that, and if that’s what you believe then more power to you. However, I’m not so sure that I buy into that.

The house that you see pictured above belong to my grandparents. You guys of heard me talk about my grandma before, that woman taught me so much. The house, is where some of my fondest memories are. Unfortunately, it’s no longer in my family, but it’s still in my heart. Recently as I said I’ve been wrestling with a decision.  On the day that I asked for help, I got a message on Facebook from my uncle who I really don’t talk to. He said, that he had found something that belongs to my grandmother and she definitely wanted me to have it. Now, that might sound funny to a lot of people, however when my grandma wanted you to have something you knew it. See, my grandma was the type of lady that took masking tape and used it to make a note and she stuck notes to everything. So on the day that I asked for help I get this message. My uncle, says he’s going to send me these two things that my grandmother wanted me to have. So anxiously, I wait for them to get here. Unfortunately, one of them was broken when it got here however I think I can superglue it back together.  I opened up the box and took the items out, and flipped it over to read the note on the bottom of the unbroken one. And the note…made absolutely no sense to me. Unfortunately, I don’t think messages from the other side are any clearer than the messages that are subconscious tries to send us. All I know, is that my grandmother is thinking of me. How do I know that you ask? Well, My uncle had these items in his possession for 14 years. You see, my grandmother passed away over 14 years ago and I am sure that at any time during those 14 years those items could have been sent to me. But, he chose to send them to me at a time when I was asking for help.  And he knew nothing about my silent plead for help.  I take that as a sign of something. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what the sign might be, or what she’s trying to get me to remember, and as of yet I am still coming up blank.

The two pictures above are the feisty lady that was my grandmother. She was born in West Virginia, and live through the great depression. It’s shaped how she did things, and she shaped my values. There is no way that I can ever repay her for what she has done for me. She made me into the woman that I am today. Or, she was one of the guiding forces in my life. My mother, of course had a roll. And very pivotal one, and my experiences also led me to being who I am. But, I wonder if  I’d be the same person had I not had this woman for my grandmother. The past is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you, and all of a sudden the day that you’re living right now turns into the past. Sometimes the past is faded and worn around the edges, and sometimes it’s crisp and clear.  One thing that I do know, is that there are always lessons to be learned from the past. Sometimes, they are lessons of what to do, and sometimes their lessons of what not to do. Sometimes the past leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and sometimes it leaves a hole in your heart. However the past is always something to be treasured.

The picture below is me. I was pregnant with my daughter Lia who is now 25 years old or she will be later this month. I no longer look like that fresh faced girl in that picture. In that picture I was fresh out of high school, and my entire life was like a road winding out in front of me. A road that no one else had traveled, and held unlimited possibilities. There were any number of turns and twists that I could go down and no one had ever traveled or would ever traveled the same road as I was on. Sometimes, I wish that I could tell that girl to make sure that she remembers to appreciate the things that she has right that second. Like her grandmother. But, as they say the past is in the past. Had I told that girl that, and had she done anything different I wouldn’t be who I am today. So, what I would like to say to that girl is: Go on. Live the life you’re going to live. Because you come out OK on the other end. What I would like to tell my boys and my daughter is this: live the life you going to live, I know that you will turn out OK on the other end. And in the meantime, know that I love you, and I hope that you appreciate what you have today. The past sneaks up on you and all of a sudden you’re you turn around and today is gone.

As for what I’m supposed to do next, I have no idea. The message from my grandmother was not clear, I mean, it wasn’t like a signpost saying hey turn here and do this!  And it really didn’t help me make a decision. I do know that I have put certain things into Motion, and I also know that whatever will happen will happen. My husband says, that once I decide to do something it goes fast fast fast.  He mistakes my action for haste. I don’t go into anything quickly without thinking about it, it’s just that once I decide to do something I’ve thought long and hard about it and it’s time. So, I just put things into place and will see how they turn out. I guess I’ll continue to live my life, travel my road, and I know that I will be OK on the other end. Have a great day everyone, and travel your road with abandon be carefree and live your life to the fullest. One day, today will be in the past and hopefully the memory of today will be one that you will take out and look at fondly.  I know I try to make each day a day that I will remember fondly for the rest of my life.


3 thoughts on “The Past

  1. You have such great stories, and I can relate to a few of them. This one hit home as I had a similar inciden,but its what my father had said(he is deceased now) when I was playing around on the loading dock at the newspaper he owned in Kentucky. I had a chance to go home back in 2014 (it was 30 yrs since i had been there) and to that loading dock, thats when I broke down and his words echoed in my mind. Now I am doing what he had said I would be doing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No big on the email. Thank you for liking my stories. When you write you never know what will strike a chord and what won’t. Taking pictures and writing would be the life tho!! Time is a funny and often circular. We run from something or go the other way only to find ourselves back there anyway after some time has passed. I hope you are enjoying doing what your father had said you would be doing.


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