Today

Today is a very very special day to me. 25 years ago today the most amazing thing happened to me. It was the first time in my young life that I can honestly remember being part of a miracle. 25 years ago today my amazingly beautiful, smart, talented, funny, and caring daughter Lianna was born. 

I remember,  I had tried to have a baby with my then husband, Chuck, for a while. I had lost four babies; three miscarriages, and one tubal pregnancy. My tube exploded while I was visiting my mother where she worked, and I was rushed to the hospital. I had emergency surgery, and they fixed what they could and stitched me back up. I was scared that I would never have children. And then, I got pregnant. My entire first trimester, I was scared. I think it was a preview of life to come. Moms are always scared I think; scared that they did the wrong thing, scared that they did the right thing, scared that the kids did the wrong thing, scared they will mess their kids up beyond all measure, and just scared that their kids won’t know how much they love them. I, was scared that I was going to lose this baby too. But, then a funny thing happened. One week became two weeks, and two weeks became a month, and a month became three months. I was on my way to having a baby!  

I have to say, I was a very healthy pregnant person once I got past the initial part. I had really no issues. And then, August 26, I had to go to the hospital. Our baby was on the way. My husband and I got into the room, and I remember that it took such a long time. It seem like I was in labor forever. I also remember that he was watching cartoons of some sort and fell asleep. And I remember looking at him and thinking how lucky he was to be able to sleep. Boy that was such a foreshadowing of the future is not even funny.

August 27 came around and Pretty soon, it was time. And after much pushing, and pain, and being scared, there she was. She had a head of dark hair, and a set of lungs. She was a healthy little girl and I was ecstatic. Her name, was Lianna Bridgette Phillips and she became my world. She stole my heart the first time I ever looked at her. No, that’s actually wrong she still my heart while she was still a part of me. She just claimed the entire thing the first time I looked at her.


Time passed, as time will and I made mistakes. I think all parents are constantly learning. We make so many mistakes with our kids, luckily they are pretty resilient. And her dad and I decided that we would move to Kansas. Now, we were struggling. Actually, we were poor. And by the time we got to Kansas, we were out of money. I took one look at her angelic face, and knew that I didn’t have any food for my daughter, and I did what I had to do.  I took a job, working in a strip club. And, I got scared. I was the one that had to make sure that I got money to buy my daughter food that night. I was the one that had to make sure that she had diapers to wear on her cute little butt. And, I did it. And, as I began providing for my daughter, apparently my husband at the time didn’t like it. Maybe we were doomed from the start, but that marriage ended after about five years. So now, my angel and I were on our own.

I can’t say, that I did everything the right way. I know, that I made a lot of mistakes as my daughter was growing up. She wasn’t always with me. Sometime she lived with her dad, she lived with her grandma, and she lived with me. But, I never loved her any less. I always, always had her in my heart. And I always wanted her with me.

Now, today, my daughter turns 25 years old. She is a beautiful young woman. I didn’t have a whole lot to do with her raising, because she didn’t always live with me.  I can’t take credit for who she is; that was her choice.  But, what I can say is that I am so proud of the woman that she is today. I am so proud of the heart that she has. And I am so proud of the way she is living her life. Once in a while you find a person that has a light that shines,  and my daughter is that woman. She can make any stranger become a friend. She always has a good word for everyone. She will be an amazing mother someday.  She takes risks, and she lives life. She is the kind of person that everyone aspires to be like. I know I do anyway.

Today, I just want to say I love you to an amazing young woman. Happy birthday Lia I hope it is the best one yet. I hope that this next year brings you nothing but happiness and every wish that you make comes true.  I wish that I were closer so that I could tell you all of this in person and give you a huge hug. I miss you, I love you and I am proud of you. Happy Birthday Baby!!



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