Some Thoughts Today

I was finishing my Christmas presents for the boys, which are photo books of this past year, and it got me to thinking about the past.  My past, their past and just the past in general.  Then I came across this quote:

“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.”
Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon

How true.  The past has been a large part of this year for me.  Well, the future past if that makes sense.  I see time passing.  Each day, each moment is becoming a memory as I write this.  It makes me wonder if I lived every moment, I mean really lived it.  I tried to, I know that I couldn’t have possibly lived each moment to the fullest, but I do believe that I lived more fully this year than last.

I believe that each person we meet we meet for a reason, I also believe that each experience we have has some sort of lesson hidden within it.  I also believe that the past must be revisited.  This morning I was thinking about my grandmother as I was singing a I’ll Be Home For Christmas as I got ready for work.  (Be glad that you weren’t there!)  At any rate, it got me to thinking about how much I miss her.  I miss the simpleness of childhood sometimes, even though mine was not that simple.  The things I miss the most, like watching it snow from her front window, I do now on vacation.  I think that the past is always right there, waiting to be lived again.  Memories are the doors that we open to visit those people who are no longer with us, but are still in our hearts.  Sometimes we move and the people who meant a lot to us are far away, and sometimes the ones we love have gone on to a better place.

I do think that we leave pieces of ourselves behind.  I think that is how memories work.  We leave something as a marker so that we can look it up and relive the situation again and again in our memories.  That is what I tried to do this year.  I tried to leave a bit of love with every adventure.  I tried to make sure that my boys know how much I love them and how much I love spending time with them.  I don’t want to have them wake up one day and find me gone and for them to have doubts.  I want them to KNOW.  I hope I fulfilled my mission this year.  I know the books turned out good.  Well, online at least.  I will get them next week and know for sure.  Then I have to wrap them and wait for Christmas to see if the boys like them.  I am horrible at waiting to give presents!!

Anyway, I guess I am rambling today.  So, I will end this now.  I hope that each one of you leave a bit of yourselves for someone you love to find when they need it most.  Have a great day everyone!

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